I just saw a hot homeless man
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
