Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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