The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
