This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The power of my boobs compel you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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