My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
