I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
