I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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