That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
