am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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