she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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