Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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