We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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