hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
