i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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