return my video game
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
