My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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