spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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