What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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