Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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