So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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