he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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