Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
