My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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