i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
