if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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