As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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