Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
