Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
