i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
