i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
