i always forget guys have bellybuttons
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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