I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
