lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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