nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
