I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
