im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
