I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
