drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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