hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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