I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
