I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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