tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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