i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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