So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
