My room smells like vodka and shame
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
