At least make sure they are 18
Why
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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