I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
