Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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