Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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