question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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