do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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